


Task Failed Successfully

by bucketmouse



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Ferdinand was absolutely into Twilight, He likes the vampire type guys, He was Team Edward and we all know it, House Party, Jello shots, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21879883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucketmouse/pseuds/bucketmouse
Summary: It's all fun and games and making out in a hallway after a few jello shots until the pictures get posted to social media, your dick classmate tags you, and your family sees them.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91
Collections: FE3H Holiday Gift Exchange





	Task Failed Successfully

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sapphical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphical/gifts).



The music of the house party was way too loud for Hubert's liking, but that was hardly new. Having the only off-campus housing of the core group of 'East Coast Refugees' in their decidedly west coast decidedly liberal arts school, more often than not he and Edelgard ended up hosing the get togethers. It worked out fine, they both preferred being in control of any situation they found themselves in and whenever anyone else hosted they both ended up being too critical of every minor detail to have a good time.   
  
Hubert took another of the jello shots provided by - well, someone, Hubert didn't actually know who. The thudding bass coming over the sound system made it very clear that it was seaguing into Caspar's playlist. It was very apparent to anyone who listened to his hard rock playlists that he had a subwoofer back at home. The jello shots were strong, however, and that helped ease Hubert's headache some.   
  
"Like it?" a warm voice asked beside him, close enough to startle. The ginger that had slid up to his side looked slightly familiar but Hubert was certain he would have remembered him if he had seen him before. The redhead's hair was almost gold it was so radiant, and he had smudged golden flecks of makeup on his cheeks and around his brown eyes that just added to the effect of making him look like some bacchian hallucination.   
  
"Like what?" Hubert asked, forgetting everything that had led him up to this point of standing next to the golden god wearing little more than hot pants and a crop top in spite of the dreary weather. It would have been criminal to cover those sculpted thighs, however, so he couldn’t complain.   
  
"The jello shots! I made them! Mixed strawberry and raspberry, it tastes better that way," the redhead explained cheerfully. His lips were glossy and pink and Hubert couldn't look away from them.   
  
He took another shot.

* * *

  
  


The next morning Hubert awoke with a pounding headache and an upsetting certainty that it was actually late afternoon. 

He laid on the couch for a few minutes or maybe hours, wondering if he should just let himself die there or if that would take too long and maybe he should drown himself in the bathtub instead. At some point in his wallowing, the smell of fresh coffee permeated his senses, and relief flooded through him at the scent. 

"Are you alive?" Edelgard called from the direction of the kitchenette. At least she didn't sound even half as bad as he felt. He usually took care of her after the parties, if she had to suffer through a hangover alone… 

"No," Hubert replied, turning to lay down on his stomach instead of his side. 

"I guess I'll drink all this coffee myself then, since dead men don't drink." 

She was ruthless. He adored her for it. 

With great effort, Hubert lifted himself from the couch, the rest of his senses returning a bit at a time. He had lost his shirt at some point, and one of his socks, but was otherwise still dressed as he had been for the party. A blanket had been haphazardly tossed over him and a bucket set next to the couch near his head for safety. The bucket was clean and empty, so he hadn't drank to the point of being sick even if he’d managed to get badly dehydrated. 

"I take it the party went well?" Hubert asked mildly. His mouth tasted like death, so he pulled himself to his feet and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth first. After that, fetching a new shirt was the next order of business along the way. By the time he made it to the kitchenette the coffee was poured and ready for him and he felt human enough to indulge in it. Edelgard was, kindly, not laughing at him. 

"I think so," Edelgard said with a smile, leaning back against the counter and sipping her own coffee as she observed Hubert without comment. "I haven't seen you relax that way in … almost ever. Definitely not since we got here."

As he began to pat down his pants and look around, Edelgard slid his phone across the counter to him. They drank their morning coffee in companionable silence, Edelgard letting him catch up on the day he missed. 

Several text messages of congratulations. Most from Caspar and Dorothea. That worried him. 

Getting a notice that he was tagged in a few Instagram posts explained that feeling. 

Bernadetta and Lindhardt had taken many party pictures, as usual. The pictures found the most flattering angles for the party decor, enhancing the already well decorated space that Hubert and Edelgard shared. A few pictures of the festivities, of the party goers-

Him and the redhead pressed against one another in the hallway like they were trying to devour each other's faces, Hubert's hand clearly gripping the redhead's thigh as his leg was around Hubert's hip. 

Oh. 

Well. 

Hubert was not asexual and never claimed to be, but he was fine with letting people assume that since he placed academics first and was extremely picky he must not have any interest at all. No wonder some parties were making a fuss, then. Linhardt has even gone as far as to make certain Hubert and the redhead were tagged in the photo. He followed the link, seeing that the redhead was "f_vonaegir" and his instagram was mostly pictures of horses, elaborate tea sets, and farther back a posh upper east side home. A few of the man himself, polo shirt and perfectly coiffed hair that had only recently been allowed to grow to his shoulders. 

Hubert's own instagram was entirely empty, having only signed up so he could interact with the posts of his friends, which was par for the course for how Hubert used any form of social media.

"His name is Ferdinand," Edelgard helpfully provided. "He's in my yoga class." 

"Did we do anything other than make out in the hallway?" Hubert asked, warily. 

"No, right after Linhardt got that picture Lorenz got sick so Ferdinand left to take him back to their dorm," Edelgard explained, a small smile gracing her lips. 

Well, that was a relief. 

Liquor tended to make Hubert bolder with the golden boys he was attracted to, even if he had never gone quite so far in the past, so it wasn't too shocking. He resolved to not let it worry him, and put it to the back of his mind. 

* * *

This was successful for all of a day and a half. It was after ‘Greece and Italy: An Artistic and Literary Odyssey’ as he was headed to get his after classes coffee fix when he was accosted for a second time by the redhead. Ferdinand. 

Ferdinand wasn't wearing the gold makeup now, face scrubbed clean, hair pulled back into a low queue as if to hide that it was past the nape of his neck to anyone who looked at him straight on. He didn't have the khakis and polo shirt of the instagram picture anymore - honestly the crop top and hot pants would have fit in better in day to day life in  _ this _ school - but he was equally not the bacchian fantasy of the party night. 

Not his normal look, then. 

"You!" Ferdiand yelled, reaching out to grab Hubert's arm, his face a mask of desperation and exhaustion.

"Hubert," Hubert provided, assuming Ferdinand didn't have anyone to helpfully provide his name to Ferdinand as Edelgard had done for Hubert. 

" _ Hubert _ !" Ferdinand repeated, exasperated. "Did you see?!  _ The pictures _ !" 

He was positively scandalized. It was hilarious and adorable at the same time. Hubert maintained an impassive expression. 

"Yes, Linhardt does that," Hubert agreed. 

"He TAGGED ME, Hubert! My little sister saw!" 

"Unfortunate," Hubert replied without sympathy. 

Ferdinand's face was quickly going as red as his hair with how little reaction he was getting out of Hubert, which honestly only made Hubert want to bother him more. It was a bad habit he had and one of many reasons why he had no steady romantic relationships of his own.

"She showed my parents! Hubert - I'm BARELY out to them! They're visiting THIS WEEKEND, they can't know I- I-"

"... Get drunk and make out with strange men at parties?"

"Exactly! They'll think I'm a slut!"

Hubert wisely stopped himself from asking if Ferdinand was one. As pleasing as it was to get him flustered, that seemed a little too below the belt for Ferdinand’s current emotional state.

"So what do you want me to do about it?" he asked instead after a moment instead. All at once it was like the air left Ferdinand's sails. 

"Well I - see - they - they asked who I was kissing in the photo and … I ... I kind of … lied."

Hubert had the strong feeling that it wasn't his name Ferdinand lied about. Ferdinand grabbed Hubert’s arm with both hands now, eyes large and pleading and shining with emotion.

"I may have told them that you were my boyfriend and now they want to meet you this weekend and it'll just be for an hour or two please Hubert if they think I'm just slutting it up here they'll stop paying for my tuition and drag me back home please -"

They were still in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by other students, and Ferdinand was quickly jumping straight into the begging portion of this request. His voice was even wavering like he would start crying at any moment.

The bitch was going to make a scene to get Hubert to agree to avoid the attention of their fellow students. 

Hubert admired the ruthlessness of that tactic. 

"Fine, just - Hell, don't start crying."

Hubert wasn’t sure what was worse, the making a scene in the hallway or the way Ferdinand looked at Hubert like he was ready to swear the other man as his lord and savior for agreeing. The second just reminded Hubert of the way Ferdinand's mouth tasted after four jello shots. 

"Thank you, oh, thank you! I really can't say how much this helps, thank you-"

This weekend - that was four days away. Assuming Ferdinand meant 'Saturday' by the weekend and not 'As soon as classes were over on Friday'. The only day he had any free time on before then was Wednesday afternoon. 

"Day after tomorrow. Meet me at the campus library at two thirty, we can plan. You will get ONE date where I have to meet your family on the weekend, lasting no more than three hours, and I need to know where and when by Friday morning," Hubert explained, pulling his arm from Ferdinand's grasp before he got too appreciative of how handsy Ferdinand was when he was thankful. "Also, you'll owe me."

* * *

  
  


In the lead up until Wednesday, Hubert tried to learn everything he could about Ferdinand, trusting the other man to forget something crucial. His focus was an eclectic mix of biology and history with an aside of ecology, he transferred to the university just this last year. He’d had a class that Hubert TA’d for, and when he thought hard he easily recalled the bombastic man that was almost as obnoxious as he was attractive. Hubert had done his best to forget. Ferdinand was roommates with Lorenz Gloucester and lived in campus housing, was indeed only recently 'out' having no steady boyfriend before now. Linhardt and Dorothea had a couple classes with him and while Lindhardt declared him a rather obnoxious over achiever and teacher's pet, which lined up with Hubert’s experiences, Dorothea reluctantly admitted that she thought rather badly of him at first but had come to understand that he was a genuine an earnest person trying to find his place in the world. 

Hubert didn't like her implication that he would somehow make that harder. He was doing Ferdinand a favor, here. 

His birthday was seventeen days after Hubert's, though he was born the same year as Edelgard. His Facebook was entirely public, which Hubert judged as sloppy, though all the information on it was the oversharing of nothing remotely important. Slightly less sloppy, then, as it was clearly curated to be seen. More horses on the facebook as well. 

When Hubert entered into the library at two twenty he expected to be there first with more than enough time to get comfortable before Ferdinand arrived, so he was rather taken aback to see Lindhard look up from the check in desk and nod towards the second floor before returning to ignoring his pile of books to sort in favor of reading the one in front of him. 

A dash of radiant golden hair was just barely visible upstairs, and for a brief moment Hubert was annoyed before that flame extinguished himself. What, was he going to be angry that the handsome young man was against all odds (and Hubert's past track record) able to follow instructions? Absolutely empty heads was not actually something that attracted Hubert, it just happened to end up going hand in hand with the beautiful men he often went for. Cursing under his breath, Hubert headed upstairs.

* * *

  
  


Unbeknownst to Hubert, Ferdinand’s sputtering in the hallway had nothing to do with not knowing his name. He was perfectly acquainted with Hubert’s name. 

‘And his mouth’, Ferdinand’s memory provided, his blush returning while he waited for Hubert in the campus library. Nervous, he’d been there for half an hour already, trying to calm down enough to get some reading done and utterly failing. 

This was not how he had intended things to go when he bullied an invite to the house party out of Edelgard. Okay, making out with Hubert, THAT was intentional, the rest was a snowball of misfortune that kept rolling downhill with no sign of stopping. 

Hubert might have written their shared class out of his memory but Ferdinand couldn’t forget it if he tried. Ferdinand’s first class at the university, and the redhead had a massive crush on the other man ever since. Not that he seemed to be able to get Hubert’s attention no matter what he did or how hard he tried. 

The party had been a halfway last ditch effort - halfway mainly because Ferdinand wasn’t beyond coming up with some other scheme in the future, but it was the end of his  _ current _ rope. So, party invitation in hand and Lorenz as moral support, he’d donned his - okay his kind of sluttiest party appropriate clothing, got Dorothea’s help with makeup, and brought jello shots too because he wasn’t an ungracious party guest, his mother raised him better than that.

And it had WORKED!

For one glorious night he finally had the other man’s attention and they’d talked and laughed and ignored the rest of the party in favor of each other’s company and Hubert kissed exactly like Ferdinand imagined he did. All pent up emotions coming out to use his teeth just as much as his tongue.

“Goddess, he really IS a vampire,” Lorenz said the next morning upon seeing Ferdinand’s ring of dark hickies around his neck and shoulders. 

If only Lorenz hadn’t gotten sick and needed to be taken back to their dorm, Ferdinand would have had more than just hickies as souvenirs, he was sure. 

An early morning call from his father had derailed all those happy plans of following that up, which started the avalanche of bad news and quick lies and how he ended up waiting in the library for Hubert in the first place.

This was NOT what he had planned when he got the party invite. He was supposed to get an actual date out of this, not… not some frantic family cover up that probably had Hubert regretting every second they’d spent together. 

“You’re going to pierce your lip at the rate you’re biting it,” came the low voice that had been haunting Ferdinand’s racy dreams since he first heard it, and he turned swiftly in his seat to see Hubert stepping around the table so he could sit across from Ferdinand. His cool pale eyes gave nothing away, and Ferdinand felt them holding him in place just as surely as a butterfly with a pin. 

“- I just wanted to, truly,  _ thank you-” _ Ferdinand began to stammer out, but the sound of Hubert dropping a heavy journal onto the table interrupted him. An actual, real life physical journal planner, and soon Hubert had a fountain pen to go with it as he flipped about halfway through until he found an empty page. 

“Let’s not waste time. What kind of damage control are we looking at? Were your parents already visiting or was this because of your indiscretion?” 

They got through the whole conversation without Ferdinand propositioning Hubert then and there in the library but it was a close thing. The man was competent to a fault, smoothly taking down every detail Ferdinand knew of the upcoming weekend visitation (already planned, they would be staying in a hotel in the city an hour drive away but were meeting Ferdinand for an early dinner at an Indian place in town where they were expecting Hubert to accompany him) as well as helping Ferdinand craft an appropriate story to sell them (Met through a mutual friend - truth - had been together for the last two months - lie - they had many school subjects in common - truth - and had just been waiting for the right moment to meet the parents - lie lie lie lie).

For all that Ferdinand was a bit sick to his stomach at how it came about, he was happy for a chance to learn a bit more about Hubert himself if only to easier sell the lie that they were a couple. It helped him weather the rest of the week, to actually focus and get some work done so he wasn’t completely behind thanks to this crisis.

The good mood lasted Ferdinand up until approximately five minutes before the dinner with his family. They had arrived together, Hubert had driven, and Ferdinand just hoped that he wouldn’t manage to do something that would have Hubert abandoning him out here. He didn’t know the buses well enough to get back to the university on his own, and calling Lorenz for help would mean explaining this whole fuck up to Lorenz.

“Sweating like a convict about to go to trial isn’t a good look on you, Ferdie.” 

Hearing the familiar diminutive of his name in Hubert’s low voice did things to Ferdinand’s insides that ran utterly counter to the nerves that were making him feel sick. It was an uncomfortable mix of sensations that Ferdinand was fairly certain he did not care for in any way - either his stomach or his dick needed to calm down but at least one of them absolutely had to. 

“It isn’t easy for everyone as it is for you. Just - just ignoring what your family thinks and doing what you want,” Ferdinand said, not looking away from the restaurant. He didn’t see any familiar cars in the lot, but they would be driving a rental. 

“I never said it was easy,” Hubert replied, letting Ferdinand work through his feelings. He’d told Ferdinand a little about his own home life to sell the lie, but clearly didn’t care for the subject.

“I know,” Ferdinand replied with a sigh. It would be fine. Hubert had planned this whole meeting out within an inch of its life, there was nothing that could go wrong. He’d get through this with his family and then … 

And then probably go back to Hubert ignoring him, the whole endeavor of a relationship forever tainted by dragging him forcibly through an unpleasant romcom plot. 

Ferdinand groaned, leaning over and letting his forehead hit the dashboard Hubert’s car. Wordlessly, Hubert reached over and patted Ferdinand’s back. 

* * *

  
  


Inside the restaurant smelled of curry spices and fresh baked bread. Ferdinand’s stomach growled, he’d been too nervous to eat all morning. While they were on time, he saw the familiar red hair of his father across the dining room, and next to the man Ferdinand’s mother and little sister. 

He felt rooted to the spot. 

Hubert reached out and took his hand, practically dragging Ferdinand across the dining hall to his family’s table. No more patiently waiting, they were in the restaurant and Ferdinand would need to put up or shut up. 

“Ferdie!” His mother spotted him first, smiling at him, positively delighted even if her smile faltered a bit at seeing Hubert. He was dressed impeccably even if it was in all black. Dorothea reacted the same to him, really. Ferdinand didn’t get it, Hubert was clearly the most handsome man in any room he was in, as far as Ferdinand was concerned. 

He always did have a thing for the Byronic heroes.

“Mother! H-hello, ah. Um, Hubert, this is my mother and father and little sister Blair. Everyone, this is Hubert von Vestra, my - my boyfriend.”

Ferdinand had to practice that one a few times when he woke up this morning, but all of the hesitancy that came out could be passed off as nerves about introducing a family member to a significant other. This was fine, this wouldn’t be a garbage fire. The avalanche of failure was halted and would not destroy the peaceful Scanadavian village unknowingly in its path.

“Von Vestra?” Ferdinand’s father asked. “Your father wouldn’t happen to be Nicodemus von Vestra, would he?” 

Hubert’s impassive demeanor normally gave nothing away, but in that moment Ferdinand caught it, an almost imperceptible twitch of his eye. 

Oh no.

_ Oh no _ .

“He is,” Hubert replied to Ferdinand’s father’s question. Ferdinand didn’t know the story but he had the strong impression he had to end that line of questioning right there. In the little he’d come to know Hubert he’d gotten the message loud and clear that there was little love lost between father and son. 

Acting on his gut instinct, Ferdinand tugged at Hubert’s hand to get his attention before throwing his arms around Hubert’s shoulders and kissing him passionately in the middle of the Indian restaurant. 

It was a nice kiss, once Hubert got over the momentary shock of it. His arms slid easily around Ferdinand’s waist. They looked thin, but Ferdinand was well acquainted with the wiry muscle in them, holding Ferdinand as solidly against him as he had by Ferdinand’s legs on the night of the party.

“Oh, Hubie,” Ferdinand sighed once he had to pull back to breathe, every inch the starry eyed lover. Only some if it required faking. “I’m just so happy to finally get to introduce you to my parents!”

Hubert swallowed and nodded, recovering the political smile once more. 

“I as well, Ferdie.”

As Hubert let go of Ferdinand so he could pull the other man’s chair for him, Ferdinand got a quick look at his Father’s face. Just as he expected, that extremely public display of affection had the man’s train of thought thoroughly off the tracks and crashed into the foliage. Small woodland animals were running for cover by the second.

When he was seated beside Ferdinand, Hubert reached under the table next to him to take Ferdinand’s hand in his own, squeezing it briefly. Ferdinand glanced at Hubert’s face out of the corner of his eye in time to catch the briefest smile of thanks.

It caused a rush of bravery through Ferdinand. Everything would be okay. 

The dinner was mostly painless after that. Any time Ferdinand’s parents started to go towards a subject neither of them wanted to deal with, they just got overly affectionate and managed to derail the conversation. It was a wonderfully effective tactic, and Ferdinand didn’t mind the chance to kiss Hubert more even if it was just for show. At the end of the night, while it was clear Ferdinand’s father wasn’t particularly keen on Hubert he at least no longer was ready to pull Ferdinand back to the east coast with him. All in all, a technical success if nothing else.

“Ferdie, we’re going to have a late lunch at this bistro by our hotel tomorrow before we leave, it’s supposed to be five stars, I know it’s a ways out but we’d love it if you and your Hubert would join us,” Ferdinand’s mother said as she gave Ferdinand a parting hug. 

Remembering Hubert’s condition - one meeting with his parents only - Ferdinand smiled apologetically. 

“I can make it, but I think Hubert is busy-”

“Nothing I can’t move around,” Hubert said, interrupting Ferdinand, reaching out to take his hand again. “Text him the time, I’ll make sure we’re both there.”

Ferdinand felt his face completely heated through the whole of the rest of the goodbyes and all the way back to the car. 

“You didn’t have to do that, you said one dinner,” Ferdinand fussed as soon as they were alone in Hubert’s volkswagen.

“I’m not going to turn down a free meal,” He explained, putting the key into the ignition but not turning the engine over just yet. He swallowed, looked straight ahead, and if Ferdinand wasn’t mistaken there was the faintest dusting of pink across his cheeks. “Though I do have a new requirement - the third date cannot involve your parents.”


End file.
